all bout me

happy 2010!!!

2010-01-04T01:02:00.006+08:00

it's been quite some time that i blogged.
been quite busy lately with <3
hee~

anyway, Countdown was a blast!!
i must admit that 2009 was really a bad year for me.
alot of heartaches in 2009.
now it's 2010, it's a fresh start for me.
and for Maman too.
standing at that bridge, throwin away the stupid rings, i threw away all about my past..
all the hurt and pain now in the bottom of Singapore River together with the rings.

and oh, please do check out our Countdown pix.
=)

and lastly, this will officially be my last post in this blog.
i will be moving to another blog as i'm leaving my past behind and starting anew.
so, this is where i say goodbye.

broken-hearted girlbeyonce

2009-12-27T03:50:00.002+08:00

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that

You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And thought you break my heart
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can't erase the times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you its pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you babe
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
And I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl no no
No broken-hearted girl
I'm no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say
But up 'til now I've always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out
You say you got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me
And still you're in my heart
But you're the only one

And yes there are times when I hate you
But I don't complain
Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away
Oh but now I don't hate you I'm happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you baby
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, mmm yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away, away with you,
Yeah yeah yeah, oh ohh...

I don't wanna be without my baby
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna to take a breath without my baby
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl, no, no
No broken-hearted girl

lead sails (and a paper anchor)

2009-12-07T01:32:00.004+08:00

will it ever be about me?
coz all i hear is about you.
i am so messed up.
what's the point?
deep inside i am still lonely.
it's always about other people, never about me.
i am in pain.
can't anyone understand that?
can't YOU understand that?
can you feel my pain?
i am dying here.
bit by bit it is eating me up from the inside.
day by day i am getting weak.
sooner or later, i won't even have the strength to stand up on my own, what more for you.
or for others.
i’m out here alone, oh God can you save me now?
sinking my heart turns to stone.

do you know what truly makes me happy?
do you even know what i want?
or what i need?
stop pushing me to the edge.
i will fall and break.
and there won't be any turning back.

i feel numb.
words are like venom.
they paralyse.

i am the sinking ship.
and all the shits piling are just making me sink further.
will i come up for air?
words are torture to the mind.
and not much actions seen either.
i am in your shadows.
through troubled times, i am here alone.

save me, take me home.
over and over again.
save me take me home.
wishing that this all would end.

2009-12-04T15:31:00.003+08:00

i'm having this heavy feeling in my heart.
insecurities never fail to overwhelm me.

2009-12-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

and fuck i need a new blogskin.
heh.

me and the vamp

2009-12-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

i have opened a new chapter in my life.
i am not the same person i was before.
often i question myself, "why him?".
and i could never get the answer.

someone once told me, follow your heart and not your head coz your mind will play tricks on you.
that is somehow right, to a certain extent.
i did follow my heart in falling for someone new.
but i'm just living it up in the present.
no more living in the past, and no more hoping for the future.
hopes will only bring disappointments.
no more future plans, coz plans never work out.
i embrace whatever that may come, be it good or bad, happy or sad.
if it happens, it happens.
if it doesn't, then go cry in the toilet.
LOL.

i know i have strong feelings about this fella.
and i know some things are holding me back.
i'm just free falling.
i don't know how i'll land.

all i know now is that i am happy with him.
and i wish it'd stay this way.

p.s: i am Maman Screams' =)

aidiladha

2009-11-27T20:39:00.006+08:00

selamat hari raya aidiladha!!
and somehow today i had the same feeling like i had during hari raya aidilfitri.
just sadness.
missing so many things. too many hurtful things.
i guess all this while i've been trying too hard to please everyone else but myself.
ok i shall not start all the crappy shits in my life.
heh.

so here goes..
i'm dating somebody new.
Maman =)

finally, someone who is actually sensitive to my feelings.
someone who actually cried with me when i'm down.
someone who actually loves my short hair and appreciates me for who and what i am.
someone who actually could melt my heart again.
everyone has their own flaws.
and i do accept his.
i believe things happen for a reason.
so we're just taking things slow, taking baby steps.

zig zag

2009-11-18T03:57:00.001+08:00

whoohoo~!
i'm back to square one.
single and enjoying.
obviously men are simply hopeless.
and i can be happy without any man.
heh..

can i turn crooked?
hmm...

Tanya Sama Hati

2009-10-31T18:53:00.003+08:00

Tanya pada pokok apa sebab goyang
Nanti jawab pokok angin yang goncang
Tanya sama langit apa sebab hujan
Nanti jawab langit tanya lah awan

Awan nanti kata aku kandung air
Sampai tempat sejuk aku pun cair
Tengok dalam air nampak bayang-bayang
Campak satu batu bayang pun hilang

Tanya sama hati apa asal sayang
Adakah tandanya nampak di pandang
Kumbang rayu bunga, bulan dan bintangnya
Punya tanda-tanda hubungan mesra

Tanya sama hati pernahkah merindu
Ingat masa lena apa mimpimu
Masa berjauhan apa nan di kenang
Bila difahamkan itulah sayang

Jikalau tidak kerana sayang
Kuntuman kasih tak mungkin kembang

Andainya jemu mengganti rindu
Jambangan mesra tentulah layu

Tanya sama hati pernahkah merindu
Ingat masa lena apa mimpimu
Masa berjauhan apa nan dikenang
Bila difahamkan itulah sayang

Gurindam Jiwa

2009-10-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

Tuai padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intai kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di tanjung jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun selasih dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih talak tiada
Seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

2009-10-29T03:58:00.004+08:00

i am so fucking unhappy.

i'm an idiot.

great.

wtf!

hate (i really don't like you)plain white t's

2009-10-15T20:05:00.001+08:00

You were everything I wanted
You were everything a girl could be
Then you left me brokenhearted
Now you don't mean a thing to me
All I wanted was your love

Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you
Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you
Brought you around and you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word but I really, really, really don't like you

I really don't like you

Thought that everything was perfect
Isn't that how it's suppose to be
Thought you thought that I was worth it
Now I think a little differently
All I wanted was your love

Now that it's over you can't hurt me
Now that it's over you can't bring me down

updates

2009-10-13T04:27:00.008+08:00

that was how i look like right after my wisdom teeth extraction surgery.
today is the 4th day since the op.
it's less swollen now.
hee..
although my face still looks a lil squarish.
i can feel the stitches with my tongue on my gums.
this friday i have an appointment to remove the stitches.
hee..
kinda feel awkward without my extra teeth behind though.

anyways, i went to watch a midnight show earlier today with friend.
hehe..
after so long of not catching midnight shows.
hee..
watched Darah.
what a bloody movie..
super bloody that it really made me a lil nauseous.
creepy though.
and for the first time after so long i felt so scared to pillion on a bike.
more specifically a scrambler.
his scrambler was so high.
blardy pineapple head.
and he calls me kentang.
because of my swollen face.
"bodoh sia kau", i'd always say to him.
lol.
what a cool friend.
so nice to take me out knowing what kinda shithole i'm in.
heh.

oh wells..
went home straight after the show.
and here i am now.
chatting and facebook-ing and bloggin.
heh.
life is soOo boring nowadays.

tomorrow meeting Addy to finish up my customized lappie skin.
whoohoo~!
have to give him some credit for squeezing his brain juices for it.
hee..
then perhaps goin out with Juli..
aku nak shopping tapi tak boleh.
macam mane? =(

oh ya..
somehow for the first time i feel so so SO glad to know that there are people or specifically guys who actually like girls with short hair.
i mean they really find short haired girls cool and sexy.
LOL!
i dunno eh..
i guess i'm just feeling accepted for doing what i like.
and feel kinda appreciated for being who i am.
hehe..
i mean after so long that i've been told to keep my hair long and stuffs.
even my mom doesn't comment or disallow me to have short hair.
heh..
oh wells..
i've decided to keep my hair short for the years to come.
;P

i've talked to some friends recently.
and yes, i embrace all that has happened to me with an open heart.
aku redha dengan segala yang telah berlaku.
dan redha dengan pemergian mu.

when loneliness strikes

2009-10-12T16:26:00.002+08:00

i miss you.
yes you.
you heartbreaker.
you clingy, naive boy.
yet i miss you.
alot.
the more i try to forget or hate you,
the more i think of you and us.
for i loved you so much.
too much perhaps.
that it had killed my soul.
i let you in and you tear me down.
i hate you but i love you.
i want you but i don't want you.
i want the old us like how we used to be.
but it's never gonna happen again.
not a single chance.
no more chances.

i'm lonely.
so alone.
it's ok.
i'll make it through on my own.
i spend my sleep in tears.

idon'tcarewhatyouwannasay

2009-10-10T10:19:00.004+08:00

don't bother anymore
coz that's what you do best.
don't care anymore
coz i too couldn't care less.

you've caused me too much pain.
there's just no initiative in you.
i even start to think that you were with me perhaps out of sympathy or perhaps because of my past. out of pity.

you can't even hug me immediately when i cry.
you were not there when i'm down.

i remember telling you this..
"through troubled times, i am here with you".
then i thought to myself,
"through troubled times, i am here alone".

and things just got too much.
stop being so demanding and clingy and dependent.

i would rather be sad because i'm alone than be sad and hurt being in a relationship.

stop texting me things that ain't gonna help things to get better.
ignorance is my new bestfriend.
and you taught me that. =)

broken stringsjames morrison ft. nelly furtado

2009-10-10T04:43:00.002+08:00

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you it's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

What are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

pain

2009-10-10T04:29:00.003+08:00

i know he doesn't even think about me anymore.
like what i felt for him, doesn't even matter anymore.
he's not gonna work things out.
instead he just left me standing there all alone.
he just walked out.
i also know that i don't matter and he doesn't think about me anymore coz he has those bitches whom he claimed as friends.
i'm just so hurt that after a year of sacrifices and all, i just feel so unappreciated coz he always keep asking for more and more.
and those ridiculous conditions he gave me, just blew it off.
i thought if he at least try to be consistently nice to me, i will change and fix things together.
but no... he didn't.
he knew that giving such conditions is wrong but i guess he did it on purpose so that he can just let go of me easily.
i won't be surprised if he's already with another bitch or bitches now.

it just hurts so bad that all the love i gave and things i did, doesn't even matter to him.
yet he became more and more demanding.

it's just fucking painful.

last stand

2009-10-02T09:15:00.007+08:00

i guess this will be my last entry about Fadli, my bbyboy.
as much as it hurts me, i'll be happy if he is happy.
like i've said before, if letting go means happiness to both of us, i'll embrace it with an open heart.
all the smiles, laughs, tears, cries, hugs, kisses, arguments are all flashing in my head at this very moment.
for the last time, i read through all the SMS that he has ever sent me.
and deleted them with a heavy heart.
and tears do still come to my eyes.
i'm not even gonna talk about the past anymore.
not gonna brag about who did wrong or who's to be blamed.
like i've said, it's nobody's fault that we're both different.
and it's not about enjoyment, but i'm just being rational instead of emotional.
i'm just following my head now instead of my heart.

from the bottom of my heart, i am honestly sincere in letting him go for him to find his own happiness which i wasn't able to provide.
i'm putting aside my disappointments, pain and sadness as long as he'll be happy.
and i'm sorry that i'm not the kind of girl that he likes or accepts.
i'm not like any kind of girl out there.
i'm sorry that i can't make him happy.
i'm sorry that i'm not the kinda girl of his dreams.
i'm sorry.

to Muhd Fadli,
i treasure and cherish every single moment i had with you..
be it good or bad, happy or sad.
you will always be in my heart.
i miss you and always will.
ILY lots and loads.

pemergianmu akan ku terima dengan hati yang ikhlas dan terbuka.
semoga kau bahagia, sayangku. :"(

memoirs

2009-10-01T14:37:00.006+08:00

i may seem all so happy on the outside, but i can only cry deep deep in my heart.
it's not that i don't love him anymore.
but it's just too much.
he's never gonna be a man.
never gonna win my heart.. or keep winning my heart.

he said that every meeting is destined by God.
and he's thankful that God led him to me.
but is this how he do me?

i remember the first time we went out..
that was when we saw the rainbow.
i remember the first time i poured out my feelings to him.
it was at Stadium Waterfront. on 170708.
i remember how i always fall asleep in his arms or on his lap..
and he would play with my hair gently, putting me to sleep.
i remember the time i was drunk and i kept looking for him.
hoping that he'll be there for me.
i remember all the times we went fishing.
and he was the one who taught me how to fish.
i remember all the late night outings to recce and movies and rides to nowhere.
i remember how we love to smell each other's noses.
i remember how he celebrated my birthday.
he surprised me and stuffs.
i remember that one time he piggybacked me.
it was at Mt Faber.
which used to be my favourite place.
a place that held so many sweet memories of him and me.
but now stained by the presence of a bitch.
i remember our first few arguments.
i left home and went to Stadium Waterfront alone, without telling him.
and he came to look for me there.
we hugged and we both cried.
and sadly, the last time we met, we talked about all the shits we've been going through..
we hugged and cried in each other arms.
that was the last time, last moment of my memories with him.

and that's all i can ever have.
memories.

no matter how hurt i was, i still put up with him.
and he can easily just give me up and said that he regretted.
but all this pain i'm having just has to stop.
i have to move on.

once bitten twice shy

2009-09-30T11:09:00.003+08:00

you know how unfair it is when you're struggling with your relationship and the other party just do nothin but complain and complain??
when you did all you could to get him back and he was having a ball with another bitch?
and you tried so hard to hold the relationship till u felt like you're being the "man" instead?

to YOU. and YOU know who YOU are.
i know you're not even gonna change or come back.
coz you're so predictable.
and you're not even half the man i am.
heh.
you don't even have the guts or courage to fight for what you want/need/love.
yeah yeah.. you can brag about last time...
when you were wooing me..
trying to win my heart..
but that was IT.
when you already had me, everything was gone.
and of course, it was all my fault.
i'm the one who "buat perangai" and stuffs.
FYI, being laid back does mean being like a belangkas.
being in a relationship, and please understand the word RELATIONSHIP first, doesn't mean that i have to be restricted to the extent of like a wife.
heh.
like they say, "belom ade ikatan ape-ape pun".
in other words, no LEGAL strings attached.

i may be like this now, but i know when i step into marriage life, it's gonna be a totally different responsibility to your partner than being in a relationship.

*sighs*
some guys just can't live on their own.
too pampered i guess.
like they can get whatever they want.
and oh.. that reminds me.
what happened to "i'll do whatever it takes to get what i want"??
i remember hearing that line when you were wooing me.
pfft.
get real man!

when all else fails, it becomes my fault.
never did he realise the flaws in the relationship itself.

i'm not gonna come back coz i know you're not even gonna try to win me back again.
CHAO.

i gotta feeling...
that tonight's gonna be a good night. =)

l.o.v.e

2009-09-28T10:40:00.004+08:00

it's always easier said than done.
in a relationship, to love alone is not enough.
coz when there's no mutual understanding, trust and perhaps family blessings, things will get really rough.
i've already accepted things as it is.
if we're destined for each other, then we will be together.
perhaps not now, perhaps in the future.
if it's meant to be, it will be.

it's just nobody's fault that we were brought up differently, we think and see things in a a totally different point of view, our personalities are just different.
and that's the cause for no mutual understanding and led on to arguments every time.

i am tired.
tired of struggling in this relationship.
yes my dreams are his too.
that is to get married and start a family, with him.
but perhaps my dreams still have a long way to go.

i am sad.
sad because after all that i've done, he's just gonna ask for more.
perhaps because i've always given in to him.
that's why he thinks that i will never go away or that i will eventually come back to him.
but that's all wrong.
i am being firm with myself too.
i have my rights.
i am being rational instead of emotional.

i am disappointed.
yes i wanted him back so bad before.
i did all i could to win him back.
coz i thought my happiness is with him.
and i regretted what i've done before.
but that doesn't mean that i have to be the only one doing everything for this relationship? that i'll have to be the only one to keep winning his heart?
then what about my heart?

somebody once said that it's not about finding the right person but it's about creating the right relationship.
but if two people met and fell in love but have totally different characters and perspectives in life, it just leads to having no mutual understanding between each other.
how to create the right relationship like that?
you can change attitude and behaviour but not character coz character is just the way you are.
and no one is to be blamed for being yourself.
so perhaps it is about finding the right person afterall.
and perhaps i'm not the right one for him.

i can rationalize a million things to him and he'll still not see the picture.
simply because our character and perception of things is just different.

i just don't want him to be miserable being with me.
it's not about enjoyment, and i'm not fooling around either.
but it's the best for the future of both me and him.
there won't be anymore hurt, misunderstandings and unhappiness.

to love somebody doesn't meant you have to be together.

to love is easy.
but to keep the love going is not.

energykeri hilson

2009-09-28T02:37:00.001+08:00

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put too much energy in him and me
Can't wait 'til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
Too bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How did we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, my energy
Taking all of my energy
Energy, my energy
Taking all of my energy

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you're with me
How can two be as one
We've become so divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

Now I can feel a change in me
And I can't afford to slip much further
From the person I was meant to be
I'm not afraid to walk alone
Not give it up but moving on
Before it gets too deep
Cause you're taking all of my energy

2009-09-16T02:37:00.001+08:00

OMG. night shift again.
deadful.
sleepy.
bored.

insert title here

2009-09-15T03:39:00.004+08:00

i can't sleeeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!!

my head is spinning.
pusing-pusing macam gasing.

i bought a new lappie!!!
Acer Aspire.
whee~
cool shit.
now i feel like the new iPod touch.
heh.
but i shall not be greedy ay.

i have decided not to get blings.
heee..
or at least not for the time being.

i got myself new specs from Levi's.
=)

after long talks with friends and deep thoughts,
i love Muhd Fadli very much.
xoxo

i'm NOT a walking ATM.
*peace* =)

ok, enough of randoms.

ten

2009-09-07T00:48:00.011+08:00

wow.. it's been super long since i last blogged.
heh.
perhaps that i've got nothin much to rant out here.
since i'm back with my kentote afadio, i rant more to him then here. =)
so, i guess i'll just highlight the updates..

1) i brought Fadli to meet my family (including my mom).. we went to break fast together at Siam Kitchen. then we jalan-jalan at Suntec.. bro bought mom a new hp, then we went to TCC for a drink before we headed to Lau Pa Sat for satay!

2) i got myself 2 Coach bags.. whee~

3) my mom, sis and i are goin Turkey this december..

4) i lost my Puma shoes and Crocs. *ughh*

5) Fadli has a new ride.. DRZ baby!

6) i miss ward 27. since i came back to 46, i've been hearing alot of political shits and fucked up attitudes of certain people.. *blargh*

calon-calonnya adalah..... kaki muke-muke, kaki pautoh, kaki menjawab, kaki biadap, kaki know-everything, kaki pemalas, kaki sembarang, kaki mulut puki, kaki cap kuning tanah besar.. (macam banyak gitu kan.. padahal tak :p) dan pemenangnya adalah.... *drum rolls* pandai-pandai lah fikir ye..

i'm beginning to feel so unmotivated to come to work everyday. heh. you've been the talk of town.

7) i just need to do alot of retail therapy!!
LOL~

8) i seriously have alot of shits to pay.. CPF has already sent me the 3rd reminder to pay my loan that i used for my poly fees. and it's a total of like $6k+. the Turkey trip, my insurance, my license, and soon, the car. then my advanced dip, and followed by the engagement. *headache*

9) i'm sorry if it's a big deal to some people that i spend most of my time at home or with the bf. it's just too bad. but that doesn't mean that i'll drag bf along everytime i wanna go out with friends. heh. like Michelle and Azlin.

i know some people have had small talks about me being back with the bf. but then again, that's how it is when you're attached.

no offence and not trying to imply to anyone, but just too bad if your bf/fiance/hubby doesn't spend much time with you like how Fadli does to me. or if you even have a bf. ;P

i don't deny that it may get suffocating at times like how i used to feel before, but then again, i'm gonna get married to him someday. so i might as well just get used to it now.

ok la i'll stop ranting. =)

10) hmmm... should i get blings??

faith

2009-07-27T22:33:00.006+08:00

today is the first day that he's in camp.
kuang3..
re-serving the nation for this whole week.
and please let this week pass quickly..

i've never been happier in my life than to be back with him.
it's kinda hard to explain but something keeps telling me that we're made for each other.
i hope and i pray that it's true.

and i hope by 2nd year, we'll be planning of engagement/marriage with each other's families.
now i just gotta have faith.
things are gonna be different now.
and i have set my game plan.
=)

oh wells..
went karaoke with him and his family yesterday..
camwhored a lil.
but it's still not enough to comfort myself from missing him now.
:/

twisties

2009-07-22T00:51:00.005+08:00

again and again i'm denying the feeling of insecurity.
again and again i keep telling myself that everything will be ok now.
but why don't i feel so?
i know he always say "don't think too much"..
but if i don't and shit happens, i'll be caught off-guard.
and then i'll just go berserk.
haywire.
and i hate that.
like i wanna know every thing, and i mean every single thing that is going on.
i don't wanna be left in the dark. no more.

or shall i just stay in the shadows?
hmmm...

complicated.
i am sooo twisted.
heh.

time to pop pills to sleep.
good night world.

<3

2009-07-20T00:37:00.006+08:00

life is always full of ups and down.
one day its up, and the next it comes crashing down.
heh..
the issue about him has finally settled and now issues of at home.
*sighs*
i dunno when this one will end.

anyways,
HAPPY 20th BURFDAY YASMIN!!!

3 days ago was our 1st year anniversary.
sweet kan..
hehe..
;)

we got rings with our names engraved on them.
he got me that Puma jacket that i've been wanting.
and i got him a card.
heh.
i feel bad for just getting him that seh..
hmph.

i can't wait for that DRZ baby!
and i'm still thinking of a name for it.

170708

2009-07-16T22:52:00.003+08:00

it's gonna be our 1st year anniversary in a short while when the clock strikes 12.
i am happy that i'm back with him..
no doubt about that.
but i guess i should just start adapting to "the new" him.
heh.
i hope i won't be the "attention seeking freak" now.
kuang3..

so yeah..
we got ourselves rings for our 1st year.

heh.
i got nothin much to say uh.
just didn't thot the noght will end like this.
oh well..
poppin pills to bed.
good nite world.

2009-07-14T05:19:00.002+08:00

wow!
the screen is like freaking BIG.
LOL..
old skool computers we have here in CGH.
ahakz..
oh here i am again bloggin on my night shift..
*yawn!*

i got a new phone!!
5730, baby!
whoohoo!
and it's only $98.
with new contract, of course.
hehe...

3 more days to go...
and i'm still thinking of a good plan to celebrate that day.
like STILL thinking.......
hmmm..
help me? anyone?

blargh.
i'm freaking cold.
and sleepy..
gonna nap now.
good nap world.

5730

2009-07-12T02:40:00.004+08:00

for the first time after so long i find me smiling to myself..
and tears of joy began to fall.
has all the painful waiting finally paid off??

anyway i feel like things are falling into place again.
however, i'm sorry that i had to break somebody else's heart.
that is JibJib.
it's just that i feel like he's not meant for me.
or i'm not meant for him.
well, i had to do what i had to do.

you know, sometimes you have to lose something and only then you'd realise how important it is and that you should have treasured it.
you're a gem, bby.
i'm not gonna let go, ever again.

oh i watched Obsessed with my sister just now.
Beyonce really knows how to kick ass.
i wonder if i would do the same if there's a girl who is obsessed with my hubby.
heh..
perhaps i should ey?

oh yeah..
i'm getting a new hp, bby!
nokia 5730.
finally, it's time. =)

missing link

2009-07-10T05:03:00.003+08:00

*YAWN*

night shift is so dreadful.
i'm sleepy.
zombified.
it's freaking cold in the ward.
i hate cold.
brrr..
and i'm typing with one eye open.
heh..
the cold air had my contact lenses dried up to my eye ball.
freak.

crap.
i had my first driving practical yesterday.
hehe..
best pe..
i was so nervous that my hands and feet perspired in the cold air-conditioned car.
and the instructor kept telling me to relax.
and he said i was hold on to the steering wheel too tighty.
hehe..
takot steering wheel tercabut dah.

ok.
aku jakun.
i know =)

and oh..
please people.
don't watch Drag Me To Hell.
it was really a draggg...
crappy show.
like really crappy.

heh.
1 more week to go.. =/

2009-07-07T17:12:00.000+08:00

i suddenly remembered a something..
someone once told me this..
"good things come to those who are patient".
now let's see how true that is.

my days for you are numbered too

2009-07-07T11:11:00.004+08:00

last night, i told jibjib off.
i know it wasn't nice. but i had to do what i had to do.

so, what more do you want me to prove?

i'm changing my number soon.
and when it's changed, it's a start of a new me.
when that time comes where i'm unreachable by my old no, is the time when my heart is closed for him.
but if he comes back before i change it, then i will go get a new mobile and number him and start a new life.
i'm counting down the days.

holding on.. still.

2009-07-07T00:53:00.002+08:00

what more can i say to him after a whole night of pouring out my heart's content to him face to face..
i know.. doubts and fear will always be there.
but hey, i took the risk to be with him when he just left his ex for me.
i took the risk to be with him even when i know what kinda guy he really was.
only God knows how much i love him and wanna be with him.

to him,
if he thinks that she can love him better and make him happier without him having to cheat on her, than go.
and he'll never see or hear from me ever again.

the ice is getting thin.

wait out

2009-07-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

i have never been more patient in my life ever before than this.
but no one can ever wait forever.
i just hope there will be an end to this.
like i've said, i will respect any decisions with open arms...
be it good or bad.

oh God.
ilovehim the most.
my one and only Abg.

Dear God
Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade

here without you3 doors down

2009-07-04T03:43:00.001+08:00

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

the climb

2009-07-03T05:05:00.004+08:00

letting out my hearts content to him is a relieve.
now, i'm just hoping and praying for the best.
but at the same time, i'm preparing myself for the worst... if it were to come.
if he ever choose her over me, it'll be the hardest thing to let go..
but i will accept it with open arms.
and it will be the end of me and him.
but if his decision is me, i WILL fix things and do my best to keep this relationship going till the rest of my life.

i know i'm not getting any younger..
and i do want a serious relationship.
that's why i ain't fooling around no more.

i'm not gonna hope anymore.
i'm just gonna wait and see.
patience is a virtue.
i hope he does the right thing...
even if it means by not getting back together.

the decision is in his hands.
and so is my heart.

ijustlovehimso.

meow.

2009-07-01T17:53:00.001+08:00

thanks for the text and bitterness.
it just helped me let go of you even more.
=)

"sape yang makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas".

i know i was in the wrong too.
so for God's sake, take a good look at ALL my post for the past month.
and for God's sake too, i admitted my mistakes, my flaws here.
i let my ego and pride down.
i'm changing myself.
i'm fixing myself.
and that's just the reason why i'm not in a new relationship now.

pfft.

words of a broken heart

2009-07-01T05:31:00.003+08:00

a few days back JibJib had asked me again if we should make things official..
like being officially in a relationship.
i told him i'll think about it.
and i've thought it thru'.
it's a no.
i just can't bring myself to be with him.
coz i know my heart still belongs to someone else, although i know it's one-sided now.
i don't wanna hurt JibJib.
like i've said, i can never lie to myself of my feelings.
i'd rather be alone and hurt than be with someone else but end up hurting others.

JibJib is really a nice guy and that's the reason why i don't wanna hurt him.

only God knows the true content of this lil broken heart.
i remember this saying, "your dreams are mine too".

guardian angel

2009-06-30T18:47:00.004+08:00

one thing i learned in life is: make a choice and never look back.
although i know i did took a glance back, i'm glad i didn't go back to the past.
i don't deny that he was the best thing that ever happened in my 21 years of life
and now he's also the hardest thing to let go.
but i also learned that to move on is by embracing reality and not finding a replacement.
you can always lie to others but you can never lie to yourself.
i can't lie to myself of what i feel.
but hey, life has to go on.
take a breather, and take a step forward.
no turning back, no regrets.
i wipe my tears away.

with God's will, if we're meant to be, we will be.

random shits

2009-06-30T03:28:00.002+08:00

let's get crazy!!

should i just let my heart or my mind to lead the way?
should i just jump and follow my gut feelings or sit and think of the right plan?
oh wells, i wish there is a pause button for me fucking press!
kuang3..

kk.. i've gone mad.

i came across an old voice recording of..... my laughter!
and it just made me smile.
=D

i can't wait for Wild Wild Wet and Zoo trip with my peeps.
pay some respect for Yasmin's ancestor, Ah Meng.
kuang3...

time is seriously passing very very fucking slowly.
and it's driving me nuts.
that's the cause for my crap at this moment.
especially when there's no one to entertain me.
JibJib is sick.
stoopid.
but it's ok..
i'm dropping by his place later after work, with a surprise.
*chuckles*

eh something just puzzles me.
it's just so shallow to think that to enjoy means to club and get to know as many people of the opposite sex as possible.
isn't that just naive?
heh..
random.

oh wells, i AM enjoying life to the fullest.
not restraining myself to certain things only.
but of course, i have my boundaries too.
<3

Miss Independent to the fullest.

hmmm...
somehow i feel like i'm treating JibJib quite unfairly.
i mean, he's so nice to me.. take me out.. listen to my whines and cries..
and yet i treat him so coldly.
heh.
i know i'm not giving him my best behaviour.
let's see how far he can tolerate and be patient to see my true loving self.
LOL.
*macam paham je loving self.*
random.

oh, me and JibJib are in the search of the courtesy lion all over Singapore.
so if anyone ever come across of any, please let me know.
kkk... =)
random.

i am yawning for the 2619581648th time now.
and it's only almost 4am.
i have 3 patients to do ECG on. and i don't wish to wake them up at 4 in the morning just to do that stoopid ECG.
wth.

i miss Mr Happy uh.
random.
Mr Sexy-Lips-Got-Me-Attracted-To-The-Gap-In-Between-Your-Teeth.
lol.
super random.
ok cut the crap.

aku ngantok.

Miss Independent

2009-06-28T23:17:00.008+08:00

i guess i'm just back to where i was.
heh.
thank God that this happens now.
and i'm glad that there are other people who can accept me for who i am and who i was.
true that i've made many mistakes and i've learnt my lesson too.
and since i can't fix my mistakes with him, then i guess it'll be with someone else.
ahakz!
just like what he's doing.
i wonder who's that lucky chap.
kuang3.

well, i feel like all my love has gone to waste and i have to start all over again.
when on his side it seems so light and easy for him to have move on and gotten into a new relationship.
but it's ok.
at least i know that i've loved him truly and sincerely.
i'm not even gonna hope that he appreciates it.
haiya...
tired of talkin about it already laa..
to cut things short, he's just another hendra.
heh.

oh yeah... i guess it should be much easier for me to move on since he already have a new bitch.

it's time for a new game plan.

Miss Independent by Ne-Yo

Ooh it's something about
Just something about the way she move
I can't figure it out
It's something about her

Say, ooh it's something about
Kinda woman that want you but don't need you
Hey, I can't figure it out
It's something about her

'Cause she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicure nails just set the pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly

And she move like a boss
Do what a boss do
She got me thinking about getting involved
That's the kinda girl I need (oh)

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Ooh there's something about
Kinda woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud
There's something about her

Something, ooh, so sexy about
Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it (she said she got it, she got it)
No doubt, there's something about her (there's something about her)

'Cause she work like a boss
Play like a boss
Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off
And bills are payed on time, yeah

She made for a boss
Slowly a boss
Anything less she telling them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Her favorite thing to say, don't worry I got it
And everything she got best believe she bought it
She gon' steal my heart ain't no doubt about it, girl
You're everything I need, said you're everything I need

yawn

2009-06-28T22:35:00.001+08:00

it's super dreadful in this ward.
cold and boring.
and time passes by like super slow.

lalalala....

i just wanna jump and scream my heart out.
and just throw away and this pain inside me.
it's like a venom that's killing me from the inside out.
i wanna move on.
and i mean it.
the day that i have totally move on is when i can look at his pics without having a single drop of tear in my eyes.
and that will be the time that i will get myself in a new relationship.

OMG!
i just realised that he is just like hendra.
gosh!
and what happened is just similar.
heh.
history DID repeat itself afterall.
put up with all the pain and even tolerated the fact that he had that bitch,
and yet i was still in the losing end.
hell no, that's not gonna happen again.
like when he said that i will never be in the losing end with him.
yeah right.
pfft.
again, his words are simply just WORDS of nothing.

perhaps najib was right.
why "older" guys/girls are so.. errm.. like THAT.
heh.
oh wells.. like whatever.

p.s: i need a cool, non-posessive, mature guy. =)

bumblebee, please be my guardian?

2009-06-28T21:57:00.001+08:00

here i am in the very much cold ward filled with H1N1 patients.
just sucks.

my body shivers and tears fall non-stop when i saw and learned the truth.
that's right.
the truth hurts. like fuck.
but i embraced the truth.

i still don't understand and don't believe that this is happening.
coz i know him just too well.
i still don't believe that he has moved on.
or so he claims.
just like what his mom said, "hati kata lain, mulut kata lain".
getting hurt by him again wasn't the big deal here.
but to find out that i'm really not gonna get that chance ever again simply sucks.
it all goes back to the basics.
that is; say what you mean and mean what you say.

i just thought that he had changed.
i mean like REALLY changed.
he once told me that he won't do like what he did to his ex-fiance again.
that is to just jump into things or in this case, into relationships.
and not to be with someone out of sympathy.
but i guess words are simply words afterall.

i remember he always ask me this when we argued.
"u tak sayang ke hubungan kite?"
but look at us now.
at least i didn't just jump into another relationship coz i know that i haven't move on.
and i know to whom my heart belongs to.
i can only let out my feelings, but the decision doesn't lie in my hands.
not anymore.

oh wells..
i think i had enough of letting out.. for today.
thanks to his mom, yas, ayu and wati.
and thanks to najib who really understands my situation.
coz he has been in the same shit before.
that is getting dumped by a posessive gf.
heh.
and sorry najib for having to hear my cry everytime about him.

oh.. since i've let out my feelings and hopes to be back with him and yet he doesn't seems to be much affected by it, i guess he really doesn't care and doesn't want it either.
so yeah.. i have my pride too.
i'm a girl afterall.
i don't chase after guys.
like i've said, i can only let out my feelings and the rest is not up to me.

i just pity his mom coz i'm sure she's pretty disappointed.
and i'm sorry mama that i can't do much about it.
but don't worry mama.
i will still drop by once in a while to see you.
coz i mean when i say that i treat her like my mom too.

i guess i'll be catchin Transformers for the second time with somebody else.
who's up for it??

laughter is not always the best medicine

2009-06-28T03:02:00.006+08:00

i know i screwed up.
i know i messed up big time.
i have my pride and ego too..
but hey, i'm putting it all aside.
i admit my flaws.
i realise my mistakes.
i may be laughing out loud on the outside, but it's killing me on the inside.
only God knows.

loving you was one of the best things that ever happened in my life.
and i don't wish to let it go.
i can't let it go.
i just can't.
i do mean it when i say that your mom is like mine too.
i do mean it when we make our future plans.
i do mean it about Indonesia honeymoon.
i do mean it when i say ILY.
the only thing i didn't mean was when i told you to f*** off.

i simply just can't move on.
seeing you that day got me all weak.
i was shivering as tears filled my eyes.
thanks to yas and dee who were there, i could held those tears back.
i can't pretend that i'm ok.
it's just not me.

today is his mom's burfday.
and i dropped by to see her yesterday and got her a present.
honestly, i do miss his mom too.
really missed her cooking.
i hope she likes the gift i got her.
i almost broke down when i see her.
but i told myself to be strong and held myself together.
just wished i could have hugged her.
happy burfday mama.

if only i can turn back time, i would fix things.
i'm fixing myself now.
i shouldn't have gave up.
i know it's too late for regrets.
but is it too late to start over?

question of the day: do you believe in second chances?

wreck

2009-06-26T04:02:00.002+08:00

as i browse through the old old entries (from July '08 onwards i mean) of my blog,
i realised that it's mostly about him.
and i realised how much i've changed.
i realised that i used to love him alot.
and i still wish i could.
i realised that i messed up.
that i've really screwed up.
i'm a total wreck.
i thought we were meant for each other.
i remember we used to always ask ourselves why we didn't meet much earlier.

but now, that one mistake i did of lying to him to club had gotten me all broken and lost.
i know i was so wrong.
so messed up.
i went astray.
i wasn't contented with what i had.
i didn't appreciate him when he was still around.
i'm so fucked up.

when hope begins to fade

2009-06-25T17:51:00.008+08:00

it still hurts from time to time..
even when i'm with friends or JibJib.
everything will just remind me of him.
i know he'll never even gonna try to win my heart again.
and i'm not sure if i want him to either.
i'm tryin my best to move on.
although i know deep inside i do wanna get back in his arms, i dunno if i can bring myself to do it.
somehow i just feel that we don't deserve each other.

it's good that he has move on while i'm still struggling to.
i guess that should help me to move on soon. right?

today i shed alot of tears.
and it's all for him.
i dunno why but i still do.
i'm really trying my very best to let things go.
and accepting the fact that he's not gonna win me back and i'm never gonna be in his arms ever again.
for a moment, everything came to mind.
the first time we met,
the first kiss,
the first whispers of 'i love you',
the birthday treats,
the outings,
and everything else.

i guess both of us were just blind and didn't appreciate each other.
and that got us drifted apart.
i know i screwed up big time.
and i regret it.
i still wish things could be fixed.
but i guess my wish will never be a reality.
there's nothing else i can do now.
but to continue my struggle to move on.

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold him when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left him when I found him and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade

G.A.D - go.and.die

2009-06-22T21:19:00.005+08:00

get out of my life and get out of my head.
why bother when u ain't gonna do anythin to win me back?
why bother when you're happy with your life?
just go and stuck up with my friends.
disgusting.
ugh!

you don't care, i don't bother.
and i seriously mean it.
fuck to you or friends and all the politics shits and two-faced bastards around in my life.
eh wait.. even if you care, i'll still not bother.
so, i will literally tell anyone to fuck off if they try to give me shit right in the face.

sleepless nights...in the ward!

2009-06-18T03:11:00.014+08:00

see any resemblence? she's my long lost sister. ;P

here i am blogging in the ward for the first time.
heh.
boringggg.....
and sleepyyyy.
my last night of 3 nights.
dreadful.

i so can't wait for BK breakfast with JibJib later.
kuang3.
ok random.

i seriously dunno what to blog about, so here goes..

Nisa asked me something earlier that set me thinking.
she asked if i'm really over you-know-who.
and yeah, i'm 80% there. =)

somehow life is better now.
firstly, i don't feel restricted.
and the only restictions i feel or have is all bcoz of my own will.
secondly, i don't feel small.
coz i realise that there are other people who do accept me for who i am and who i was.
and lastly, although i'm alone, i'm happy. =)

and i guess i've found someone who is as cool as me, Keri.
LOL.
macam ye-ye je cool.. ;P

oh don't worry, i won't call anymore

2009-06-15T01:31:00.003+08:00

i have my pride.
=)

and don't say that you'll always be "there" for me.
coz you never will. ever.

i'm moving on.
anyways you never did much to win me back.
so, yeah.
wtf.

So you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
Or will u bring a better future than I had in the past
Cause, I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
I'll admit it, I was scared to answer love's call
And if it hits, better make it worth the fall

2009-06-13T04:09:00.002+08:00

it's time to move on.

love has really knocked me down

2009-06-12T10:22:00.003+08:00

3 hellos of his voice is just enough for me.
only God knows how much i miss him.
nobody can ever take his place.
nobody can ever tolerate my crankiness and mood swings like him.
how i wish i can turn back time to when we first met.
where everythin is so perfect.
but life is never fair.
i guess i gave up too soon?
but i wonder too if things can ever be fixed back then.
my life now is neither here nor there.
it's all like the pieces of a puzzle which i have to start putting them back together all over again.

i'm just not the same, and will never be the same person whom you once knew.

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

2009-06-01T05:07:00.006+08:00

i did what i had to do..
did what is best for both of us.
i finally get the courage to end it.
i'm sorry if it sounded mean but i had to do it to safeguard myself from getting hurt by you anymore.
i can't take in all your mean, hurtful words anymore.
i can't stand your "girly" attitude towards me.
i can't stand your ego and naiveness.
i did it to end all fights and pain we both caused to each other.
the words you throw at me went out the window, along with my heart.
you can say whatever you want to me or about me to bring my morale down...
but all i can say to you is, try harder.
coz my heart just turned into stone.
i'd rather be alone then be hurt.

the Huda you used to know just died tonight

goodbye Muhd Fadli.

hate that i love you

2009-05-27T01:52:00.003+08:00

somehow i still can't believe that it happened.
that it's all broken.
i am still feeling the loss and pain.
and somehow living in denial.
old messages from you are gone but pictures are still there.
i can't let them go somehow.
i dunno why.
i am confused.
i don't wanna hold on.
but i can't let go.
God please help me.
i dunno why fights will occur almost every time we speak, or even text.
i'm sick and tired of it.
i don't think we'll end up this way if you hadn't push me away right from the beginning.
but it's all said and done.
shit happened.
things will never be the same again.
i may seemed ok on the outside.
but only God knows what's in the inside.

i am a girl after all.

knock you downkeri hilson feat. kanye west and ne-yo

2009-05-26T02:21:00.004+08:00

Not again
Oh this ain't supposed to happen to me

Keep rockin' and keep knockin'
Whether you're Louis Vuitton it up, or Reebokin'
You see the hate that they serving on a platter
So what we gon' have dessert or disaster?

I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
Then you came in and knocked me on my face
Feels like I'm in a race but I already won first place

I never thought I fall for you as hard as I did
You got me thinking about our life, our house and kids
Every morning I look at you and smile
Cause boy you came around and you knocked me down

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

I never thought I hear myself say ya'll gon' hate
I think I'm going to kick it with my girl today
I used to be commander-in-chief for my pimp ship flying high
Till i met this pretty little missile, who shot me out the sky

So now I'm crashing don't know how it happened
But i know it feels so damn good
Said if i could go back and make it happen faster
Don't you know I would baby if I could
Miss Independent, to the fullest, the load never too much
She helping me pull it, she shot bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

Tell me now can you make past your caspers
So we could finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams
To seem to only date the head of football teams
And I was the class clown that always kept you laughing
We were never meant to be, baby we just happened
So please don't mess up the trick
Hey young world, I'm the new slick rick
They say I move too quick but we can't let this moment past us
Let the hour glass pass right into ashes
Let the wind blow the ashes right before my glasses
So I wrote this love letter right before my classes
How could a goddess ask someone that's only average, for advice
OMG you listen to that bitch?
It's me, baby this is tragic
Cause we had it, we was magic
I was flying, now I'm crashing
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson
Now I'm mad, real mad, Joe Jackson
You should leave your boyfriend now, i'ma ask him

So you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
Or will you bring the better future then I had in the past
Cause I don't want to make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
I'll admit it, I was scared to answer love's call
And if it hits, better make it worth the fall

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

Won’t see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you’re gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love comes knocks you down

zombified

2009-05-24T04:18:00.004+08:00

i am super blank right now as i have NOT slept since i came back from my night shift yesterday morning.
i suppose it's about 36 hours now that i've been awake.
i feel like a zombie.
i was out the whole day today.
shagged but i managed to pull it through.
got home from work yesterday morning, shower and as i was about to doze off, mother got me up to get ready to go ustaz's place.
and in which i went out straight after that as i just sort of refuse to stay at home.
reached home at around 9.30pm and went out again with sister to Mustafa Centre.
came back at 11pm and went out again to catch the movie.
movie was at 1.30am and we had like 1 and a half hour to wait for it.
and i dozed off while lying down under the stars at the sort of park just above Dhoby Ghaut station listening to my iPod.
luckily i was awakened at 1.25am.
so ya.. i only got like a 30min of power nap in the almost 37 hours that i am awake.

anyways, please do catch Night at the Museum 2.
it's hilarious and awesome!

i have been thinking too whether i am doing the right thing or not.
i don't wanna be a clingy gf and neither do i want a clingy bf.
i don't wanna be a rude and harsh gf and neither do i want a rude and harsh bf.
i'm totally confused now.
lalalala....
perhaps ramzie was right..
"take a step each day" was what he said.

ok.. the lack of sleep is seriously driving me nuts.
i have to wake up at 8am later for Laser Quest with my sister and her friends.
so..........
good night world.

sighs

2009-05-23T04:01:00.003+08:00

i can't believe i'm typing this but seriously, i feel like shit.
gosh..
i miss him.
alot alot.
=(

ok.. like 'stop it eh huda'.
*taking deep breath*
gotta brush it off my mind.

argh!!
everytime when the day turns dark, this feeling will come.
but i wonder why is it when we're together, it didn't come this much.
=((((((

broken strings

2009-05-20T01:57:00.004+08:00

i guess things are really not gonna work out.
when i give in, you take advantage of that to bombard me.
go on and push me away.. with your "gua blah dulu ar..", etc.
i'm not gonna tell you what i feel anymore..
coz it's simply pointless.
i'm not gonna be vulnerable.

you initiated it and you said it yourself that we're through.

this is what happens when there's no give and take, and maturity in handling things.

:/

2009-05-19T00:18:00.002+08:00

it's been like what.. 5 days since it happened?
and i still feel very much attached to him deep inside.
i know i may seem alright from the outside, but when the day starts to get dark and i'm all alone, everything came to my mind.
all the good and bad times..
i can't always pretend that i'm ok.
that's why when people ask me if i am, i'll just say "ok la. tak ok pon ok kan aje."

i guess this is how it is.
it's hard to compromise if there's no understanding in each other's needs.. and wants.
i'm not gonna brag on who's fault it was or whatsoever.
but all that i can say is that Fadli is someone close and special in my heart, and no doubt about that.
it's just that somehow i think that separation will makes us see if we're right for each other.
i just hope that he's able to wait.

p.s: i'll never be far from your heart.
you know who you are.

beautiful mistakethe ataris

2009-05-15T01:32:00.004+08:00

Maybe I'm not ready for this
And you know it
Maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together
Because of the regrets we might have

Don't want to fall asleep alone
But do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest

So I guess this is the ending of a beautiful mistake
And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together
Why does it hurt so much
And I feel like I lost my closest friend

Don't want to fall asleep alone
But do I want to wake up with you?
I hope your happy, and completely lonely

There I am, standing on all alone on Syndey Harbor bridge
And you know I would jump into the fucking ocean
If it means I was truly capable of being satisfied
Will I ever be?
Did I just give up the best thing I ever had?

life

2009-05-09T17:18:00.010+08:00

Syed Faruk (in orange on the left)

you know about those stories you hear about friends of friends who passed away?
well, when it really happened to your own friend, then you'll feel the impact.
i think i've had enough deaths for this week.
nana's grandma just passed on the 5th May which was my late dad's birthday.
for the 3 nights i had at work, death occurred like everyday.
and the closing was the death of my friend, my sec schoolmate.
innalillahi wa innalillahi raajiuun.
Allahyarham Syed Faruk who left this world in a bike accident when he was on his way to work yesterday.
i rushed home from night shift in the morning and came to his funeral.
and seeing his mom in so much sadness really showed how broken her heart was.
he was gonna turn 21 just next month, but i guess God loves him more then we all do.
although i wasn't close to him before, i could really feel the loss of Faruk.
somehow i know things will never be the same with the boys without Faruk.
as we left the funeral, i was just telling my sister how Salam would feel as he was his bestfriend.
and true enough, Faruk's death had a great impact on everyone.
Faruk was everyone's friend.
it's true that we rarely see Faruk being angry.
i've never even seen him angry at all before.
he was the kinda guy who always had a smile on his face.
and kind of friend they all look up to.

it's true that working as a nurse, i have somehow gotten used to seeing death.
but it's different.
dying because of an illness or of old age and a sudden death are way different.
it was just too soon for him to go.

i realised how short life could be.
but at the same time i wonder, how will we ever know if we're really doing the right things in life.
and what i mean by the right things here are not the halal and haram but the daily decisions you make and the path you choose in life.

my mother despise me of taking a bike license and even me being a pillion rider.
cursed me of getting into an accident one day.
i know i shouldn't be saying all this especially when tomorrow is Mothers' Day.
but really, what kind of a mother curses her child under her breath for such things?
every word of a mother are prayers.
if i were to really die on the road one day, i will.
but it may not be a bike accident.
i could be in a car or even a pedestrian who gets hit.

and just because of that, i feel pressured by her words that curse and kept asking him to ask for my hand in marriage so that she could get rid of me quick and that i won't be stressing her out with my late night outings and pillion a rider.
and for that, i have somehow come to a decision.
if it happens, then i am just following my mom's footsteps.
but rest assured that if that happens, the cycle will end with me.

i feel like i'm in an all or nothing situation.
to go for it or get nothing at all.

to her: keep saying it and it will happen.

madne-yo

2009-04-23T00:16:00.002+08:00

She's staring at me I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Nobody's talking, cause talking just turns into screaming
And now as I'm yellin' over her, she's yellin' over me
All that means, is neither of us is listening
And what's even worse is that we don't even remember why we're fighting

So both of us are mad for nothing
Fighting for nothing
Crying for nothing
But we wont let it go for nothing
No not for nothing
There should be nothing
To a love like what we got, oh baby

I know sometimes its gonna rain
But baby can we make up now cause I can't sleep through the pain
Girl I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me

And it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
Asking questions like you already know
We're fighting this war, baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go
What happened to workin' it out?
We fall into this place where
You ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?

Oh baby, this love ain't gonna be perfect
And just how good its gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby we're gonna be happy

crank

2009-04-04T10:04:00.003+08:00

my 3 nights have been like shit.
tired, sleepy and hungry are not a good combination.
coz it equals to me being cranky.
so for those who can't handle my crankyness (if there is even such a word), i suggest best that i be left alone.

gosh.. i sound like a warewolf that has to be isolated and chained at full moon.
heh..
i don't really care.

oh well...
good night world.

to you, and you know who you are..
stop pushing me away.
don't say you're not..
coz i feel that way.

eh that rhymes.
cool or what..
heh..

happy birdday to ME

2009-03-28T23:38:00.005+08:00

i think my 21st birthday is the best birthday ever!!
had a pre-celebration with bf and my peeps at dbl o..
i had a great dinner with my family at BaliThai Restaurant on my bday eve..
and a splendid bash by the bf.
i got a pretty necklace from cuz-in-law..

so today bf took me to Vivo, had lunch there and we headed to Sentosa!
it was sweet of him coz i've been wanting to go there like ages ago.
but we just strolled around Palawan Beach and headed back.
it was freaking hot and we're just not dressed properly for that kinda place.
we decided to come back on another day to keplek-keplek in the waters.

so we went back to Vivo, i bought myself gifts..
a pair of shoes from Everlast and a blouse from Op-ocot.

we went to Fish n Co to have dinner with his family.. where i had my surprise.
ahakz..
suddenly a cake came from behind me all lighted with 2 tall and 1 tiny candle.
and i had to stand on the chair while the restaurant crew cheered and sang the bday song.
so embarrassing and attention seeking.
but fun tho'.
=)
that's where the gifts all came in..
=D

i got home straight after that just to unwrap all my gifts.
hehe..
so for those who still owe me presents, i'm still waiting.
LOL ;p

last but not least..
thank you Mom for having me on this Earth and for taking care of me for the past 21 years.
thank you Fadli for the great, greatest bday i've ever had in my whole 21 years of life.

-pix-

warmness on the soulavenged sevenfold

2009-02-07T23:00:00.001+08:00

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make
And the feeling of doubt, it's erased
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side
You're the one and in you I confide

And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love was always on my mind
You've been there from the start for me
And your love has always been true as can be

I'll give my heart to you, I give my heart
Cause nothing can compare in this world to you

p.s: to the one who really deserve this

2009-02-05T18:46:00.002+08:00

i understand that we, as muslims are not suppose to celebrate Valentine's Day.
however, we somehow practice the exchanging of gifts on that day.

but here's me.
Valentine's Day or not,
i'm not expecting, not hoping, and not gonna get any gifts.
period.

ithinkmyspacebarisspoilt.

2009-01-31T02:09:00.004+08:00

i guess it's time to update..
ahakz..

well, nothing much. really.
mostly it's de bf.
we went to marina barrage yeaterday.
cam whored..
pics are in my iPod though. hehe..
watched Love Matters before that.
and that's about it.

went bowling with julie, yasmin, dee and hazel at downtown east de other day.
pics are in my iPod too..
and went Tekka with watie and de gang.
ahakz.

and my stoopidmuthafarkingknnbcibs aunt just won't give up to leave us alone.
and by that i mean de hocus pocus is kinda back again.
but no worries.. it has been handled.

p.s: iloveyoulotsandloads.
you know who you are =)

lalalala

2009-01-12T01:07:00.003+08:00

i'm glad i had that talk with bf.
really helped ALOT.
hopefully it'll make things better between me and him.
i really want things to work out and last.

bangku tu menjadi saksi.
cehh..
kalau rxt dengan pondok, kite dengan bangku.
ok?

ok.. i have nothin much to blog.
because my life is basically gettin lamer.
and i somehow and sadly revolve around work, bf and home.
so ya.. that's IT for now.
i gotta go lala land to meet prince charmin.
oh cut de crap.
cibs.
bye.

sugar rush

2009-01-04T01:29:00.002+08:00

me and bf....
we had ice-cream at Island Creamery!!!
and OMG.
it's superb..
better than Ben&Jerry's.
we had brownies with nutella and cookies&cream ice-cream, and a mud pie.
de cookies&cream really have chunks of oreo cookies inside.
really got me hyped!!
should try it.
i'm waiting for another trip there..

anybody up for it??

sugar rush

2008-12-31T04:19:00.001+08:00

dearest bf,
let's have ice-cream please.

i can't wait for Sunday to come.
=)

the happening

2008-12-30T16:00:00.003+08:00

yay!
my circle of friends just got bigger last night.
we had a karaoke session with bf's colleagues at Cash Studio.
all couple-couple lah eh.
ahakz..
i thought i was de one who will get drunk first but some other girl took that spot.
LOL.
some drama-mama kecohness back then.
all i can say is drunk girl crying cum laughing and sitting/lying on de floor uttering crap was surrounded by zillions of big fat flying cockroaches!!
happening pe?!?!
so please.
you do NOT wanna know de details.

de karaoke was fun tho'.
i mean before all that kecohness took place.
"kalau tak bole nyanyi, melalak aje.
kalau tak tau nyanyi, lantak aje."
that was our so called "motto".

had supper at Spize after that with de other 2 sober couples before we parted our ways.
exchanging of numbers and hugs then bye-bye.

after that began our me and you and you and me session.
we talked and cried and joked and had some quality time together.
awww...

so, moral of de story is..
don't get drunk when there's alot of roaches.
=)

what's next?

2008-12-26T03:42:00.006+08:00

oh hell..
i miss my short hair.
i mean de really short short hair..
should i chop 'em off??

life is really getting lame.....
work, home, bf, eat, sleep, chat.
and de vicious cycle continues.
therefore, i'm proud to present to you my new toy....
iPod Touch!!!
and it's 16GB.
greedy huh.. i know.
i wonder when will i ever fill everything up.
after uploading ALL de songs i have, (including Dancing Queen, ahakz)
and ALL de pics i have, (well, not really everything but de good pics actually)
i still have like 12GB left.
gotta find more games and applications and video clips and i dunno what.

ok.. yesterday was my big bro's (also my only bro) birthday!
and he's thirty.
like de big three and zero.
lol.
one word for you bro; OLD!

i did my p.m shift today.
fetched by de bf.
bumped into de forever selenger Ayu and her bf.
got home to change and went Clarke Quay to meet up with bf's besties for some sorta drinking session.

i didn't really know de occasion for it so at first i assumed it must be some kinda xmas thingy enjoyment or somethin somethin.
but it turned out to be that de bf's friend just went thru' a heartbreak.
well, like i said to them..
"whatever's meant to be, will always find its way"
so why worry..
i'm not tryin to sound like de so-called "perfect" couple or whatsoever..
but somehow or rather, no matter how hurtful things might be, we still embrace it at de end of de day.

anyways, Huda as being de retarded clown, tired to cheer things up. =D
there were 4 of us and i was de only girl.
they had their so-called "boys" talk and i was left out of de conversation.
and they ended their boys chit-chat with a dead silence.
like i could hear crickets already.. and they were looking staring into blank space in different directions.
so, here come Huda de clown.
i started to play some games with them.
all de games that me and de sweethearts used to play back in poly.

"2 o'clock, 6 o'clock, 11 o'clock. what time is it now?"
"de can, my cap, your watch. what's next?"
"i wanna go australia.. i wanna bring an apple."
"black white white black white white white black black white black. white or black?"

then came in all de riddles..

"what's de strongest number?"

LOL.
afterall, we had a good laugh.
and i'm glad that it turned out to be a really happy drinkin session.

dearest bf,
i'm sorry if i can't please you at times.
i love you still and always.
XOXOX

superhumanchris brown

2008-12-18T12:23:00.004+08:00

Weak, I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak, barely eat
On my knees

But that's the moment you came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible I see through the me I used to be

You've changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all superhuman you did that to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Superhuman..
I feel so superhuman

Strong, since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I've had it all along
I can see tomorrow

When every problem is gone
Because I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

It's not a bird, not a plane, it's my heart and it's going gone away
My only weakness is you, only reason is you, every minute with you
I feel like I can do, anything
Going, going I'm gone away, in love

2008-12-09T22:33:00.002+08:00

Your Guy Is Not A Player!

At least, all signs point to "negative"

What your guy is: straight up, honest...

And a one woman man.

This one's a keeper - so hold on to him.

Is He A Player?

unbeautifullesley roy

2008-12-07T23:04:00.003+08:00

Don’t hang up
Can we talk
So confused
It’s like I'm lost
What went wrong
What made you go
Don’t pretend you don’t know
This is me
I'm unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart
Or did you lie
From the start
When you said
It's only you
I was blind, such a fool
Thinking we
We're unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

I've been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that’s true
I'm stuck in time
I'm stuck on you
We were still untouchable

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we’re much better
All together
Can’t let go

2008-12-07T21:11:00.004+08:00

i feel hurt.
heartbroken.

bila kekasih mula merajuk,
adakah engkau akan memujuk?

if i can't cry to you or seek attention from you,
then to who can i be vulnerable with?

if you can't be there for me, then who will?

it may seem like it's just a small matter to you that i'm making a big fuss out of it.
but these small things will become big if ignored.
i can't think of anything else to say.
i'm just... heartbroken.

i need you.

i just wanna be alone
as tears of sadness fill my heart.

worried

2008-12-06T02:34:00.008+08:00

i dunno where to begin..
today was not really a long day but...
*sighs*
i shall just summarize it all then.

-had my insurance done
-my sis is a lil depressed over de fight with Uncle
-hocus pocus
-went to watch Bolt with Fadli

and now i'm home.
my sister's asleep..
tried to wake her up...
she moved but didn't open her eyes.
her eyes look swollen tho'.
i guess she must have cried..
i'm worried.

thank you love for sending me home and and making sure that everything was alright.
thanks Jason for your concern for my sis.

i gotta sleep.
workin mornin later.

chao.

if i were a boybeyonce

2008-12-04T10:45:00.001+08:00

If I were a boy, even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home
To come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand, oh-oh-oohh-oh
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You got it wrong

But you're just a boy
And you don't understand (yea, you don't understand, oh!)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Because you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

special

2008-11-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

today is one of my happiest day. =)
except for de tiring day i had at work, duh.
but my time after work was totally worth it!
and so he fetched me after work as usual.
when he didn't allow me to open his bag to put his cap in, i already suspected somethin..
*fishy fishy*
he brought me to de roadside, under a lamp post, outside the A&E and asked me to close my eyes.
hehe..
then he took out a bouquet for me.
one red rose.
it's not much but i really appreciate it.
and his words touched my heart till it made tears come to my eyes.

then he took out a sweater..
a sweater which i've been wanting for.
but sadly it's of de wrong size.
he got XS for me and it's too small.
hehe..
so tomorrow he's gonna get it changed.

thanks Sayang..
i love the flowers and the sweater.
but most of all, i love you.
you are definitely special,
one of a kind.

grr

2008-11-25T01:18:00.003+08:00

i am not allowed to rant my feelings here but i don't care!
i'm just angry.
just alot of anger in me right now.
anger that will just break into tears in a while later.
sometimes keeping silent will only cause others to step all over your head.
perhaps that's part of de reason why i don't keep quiet.
but at times, i'm just angry at myself too.
angry coz i'm unable to answer my own questions like why am i like this, what have i done, what's wrong with me?
these are de questions that often fill my head and i can't answer them.

perhaps now de differences are starting to show.
what if this goes on and on and we can't get along in de future?
what will happen to this relationship?

i do love him but why is this happening.
i tried not to make a big fuss out of a small matter.
so i sat back and cooled myself down.
but just as soon as i got back up, de fury starts raging again..
and de cause of it is also a small matter.

i hate it.
i hate myself for being this way.
it's ruining my relationship.
what if one day he can't take it anymore and just walk out on me?
i'm not prepared to lose him.
God, please help me.

MC

2008-11-24T01:30:00.003+08:00

i guess i will be bloggin for these few days.
coz for de time being i get to use my sis' lappie.
whee~

i'm on 2 days MC; today and tomorrow.
ahakz..

today i went to cgh to get my MC then headed to Boon Lay to meet bf.
jalan-jalan and ate at LJS then we took de train home.
met his mom and his bro at Juring East and we went back together.
lepak at his place, watch dvd, eat and my pants got wet on de toilet floor.
haha..
it was so embarassing.
one big wet patch on my butt!
had to change to some bermudas,
which its length was until my ankle.
i know i know.. i'm short.
then eveyone else got home.
both sisters of his, one with de bf and de other was with a friend.

somehow i felt kinda out of place.
awkward.
coz perhaps we didn't have a proper introduction..
and perhaps it was de first time meeting his sisters.
all de other times i went to his place i only met his mom and his bro.

i wonder how it's gonna be like if we are living under one roof.
insya allah if it's my destiny to spend de rest of my life with him.
then his siblings will be my siblings too.
and for sure i don't like my siblings to treat my home like a hotel.
come home as and when they like just to do their dirty laundry.

i know i don't have younger siblings.
but i was brought up differently.
we show de least of respect to our elders.
although some of us (my cousins) have tattoos, we conceal them underneath our clothes.
we don't smoke in front of our elders.
what more to show piercings in front of them.
being open doesn't mean there's no need to have respect.
or in other words, tak ada segan-silu dgn org tua.

well, i shall not say more.
like i've mentioned, it's just de way we're brought up.

so.. yeah.
i'm still pondering how things are gonna be like if we're living under one roof.
*shrugs*

anyways, i realise that everytime i blog, it will begin with one thing and end up with a totally different thing.
ahakz.
so here goes...
i'm on MC too tomorrow.
and i'm gonna spend my time at his place again perhaps.

i'm broke.
ez-link: -78cents
purse: 20cents

and waiting for my pay tomorrow night is so dreadful!

baa..

2008-11-23T03:04:00.003+08:00

alo..
i'm sick.
down with flu.
ugh.
been sleeping de whole day and now i can't sleep.
i'm so not goin to work tomorrow.
i miss bf
and i feel terrible.

dearest fadli,
i'm sorry if at times i feel like i'm not special to you.
and i'm sorry if at times too u feel that i don't love you.
nobody's perfect.
"love the imperfect perfectly"

i'm really looking forward to our plans ahead. =)

updates

2008-11-02T04:23:00.003+08:00

sorry people for being MIA.
well, have been busy with work and bf mostly.
heh..
work is so far so good.
i've been comfirmed now.
whee~
and de ward is quite ok.
there're still politics here and there..
but at least better than ward 45.
sheesh~
anyways, i guess i might be taking advanced dip in Ortho.
hmmm...
we heard that NM Ho (aka the tigress) is comin back to my ward.
blargh.
and de staffs here are ok too.

it's comin to 4 months with bf now.
and as usual, nothing is always up or always down.
"love doesn't just happen on its own. we have to work together to keep de sparks alive"
that is what i keep telling myself.

Dearest Fadli,
I know I am sometimes hard on you and had hurt you,
but I thank you for your patience.
Thank you for tolerating with me all this while.
Thank you for makng me laugh and smile.
Thank you for being there for me every time.
I will treasure your love and this relationship.
You're my love, my bestfriend, my brother, my everything.
Iloveyou.

this is so true.

2008-09-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

March Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

One In A MillionMiley Cyrus

2008-09-12T23:58:00.001+08:00

How did I get here?
I turned around and there you were
I didn't think twice
Or rationalize
'Cause somehow I knew
That there was more than just chemistry
I mean I knew you were kinda of into me
But I figured it's too good to be true

I said pinch me
Where's the catch this time
Can't find a single cloud in the sky
Help me before I get used to this guy

They say that good things take time
But really great things happen in a blink of an eye
Thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one
I can't believe it
You're one in a million

All this time I was looking for love
Trying to make things work
That weren't good enough
'Til I thought I'm through, said I'm done
And stumbled into the arms of the one

You're making me laugh about the silliest stuff
Say that I'm your diamond in the rough
When I'm mad at you
You come with your velvet touch
Can't believe that I'm so lucky
I have never felt so happy
Every time I see that sparkle in your eyes

7 ThingsMiley Cyrus

2008-09-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we shared
It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care

And now we're standing in the rain
But nothings ever gonna change
Until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you
The 7 things I hate about you, oh you

You're vain
Your games
You're insecure
You love me you like her
You made me laugh, you made me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks when you act like them
Just know it hurts
I want to be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and silent as I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now is your sincere apology
When you mean it I'll believe it
If you text it I'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh I'm not coming back
Your taking seven steps here

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain
Your games
You're insecure
You love me you like her
You made me laugh, you made me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks when you act like them
Just know it hurts
I want to be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

Compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention the 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair
Your eyes
Your old Levi's
When we kiss I'm hypnotized

You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hands in mine when we're intertwined
Everything's alright
I want to be with the one I know

And the 7th thing I like the most that you do
You make me love you

i can never be you

2008-09-08T01:02:00.002+08:00

i can never be you.
no matter how, no matter what, it'll just be the same.
i suppose i should just move away and stay in the shadows.
i'm tired of having tears every night..
be it with or without you knowin it.
i can never have you all mine.

i am envious at times seeing other families happy together.
i didn't ask to be lonely.
i don't suppose you know.
but i guess this is just how it is and how it will be.
i know you can't be with me 24/7.
it's ok.
i'll just have to accept that, sincerely, like you said.

but tell me,
if i don't get attention from you, who am i suppose to get it from?
others?

i'm not gonna expect more.
i'll accept whatever it is.
just like how i used to do.
i'll take it all in.
be it with or without you knowing it too.

2008-09-05T03:13:00.005+08:00

Presenting....
An ALL Original Production...
Starring Ah Gerl..

Ayat-Ayat CintaRossa

2008-09-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

desir pasir di padang tandus
segersang pemikiran hati
terkisah ku di antara cinta yang rumit
bila keyakinanku datang
kasih bukan sekadar cinta
pengorbanan cinta yang agung
ku pertaruhkan

maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
cintaku padamu
bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta
ketika ku bersujud

bila keyakinanku datang
kasih bukan sekadar cinta
pengorbanan cinta yang agung
ku pertaruhkan

ketika ku bersujud

2008-09-02T21:03:00.004+08:00

insecurities will always be there but i will vanish them within me.
to love is to sacrifice.
and to sacrifice means patience.
i will be like how i first was before.

heart's content

2008-09-02T04:53:00.002+08:00

after that chat with her, i realised that i should just be contented with what i have.
what i have now may not be what i will have tomorrow.
to move on is to forgive.
only by forgiving, we will be able to move on completely.
only by forgiving, we can embrace the future.
i've forgiven myself for all de wrong doings i did.
i forgive him for what he was.
and all i care about now is US and de future.
may our relationship be blessed by Allah and our parents.
love, patience, and sincerity.
that's all i need.

life's intent

2008-08-24T10:56:00.002+08:00

When I Think Of Your Love
I Smile From Within My heart
When I Think Of Being With You
I Wish We Would Never Part
Your Love Is My Companion
When Days Are Long And Cold
Your Love Is My Destiny
When Our Lives Grow Old
To Be Your Love Forever
Is My Life's Intent
Your Love Is My Endeavor
For You Are Heaven Send
Thank You For Your Love
xxxAfAdxxx

No OneAlicia Keys

2008-08-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure that it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cause everything’s gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

No one no one no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one can get in the way of what I feel for you
You, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I’m telling you there is no one

my babies

2008-08-19T11:17:00.007+08:00

i got 2 terrapins!!
bby bought them for me =)
and i name them boy and gerl.
boy is super lazy and gerl is super hyper.
but at night they do cuddle together to sleep.
how sweet..
but gerl is a lil more special.
her two hind legs are kinda deformed.
and yet she can crawl fast.
especially when i let her crawl on de floor.
such a curious girl.
so cute.. =)

this is gerl.

boy is on de left and gerl on de right.

and this is boy sleepin on top of gerl. =)

sweetheart =)

2008-08-12T00:44:00.005+08:00

i am just glad that i've found him again.
after losing touch for about a year, we met again.
and it was surprising how we caught eye of each other in a crowded room.
lookin all so familiar.. even more familiar after de introduction and pics.
and poof! it was that one person whom i once knew a year ago.
heh.
was it fate?
i dunno.

every time i see a rainbow, i'll definitely get reminded of you.

thank you for accepting me for who i am and who i was.
thank you for being there during my hard time.
thank you for all de sleepless nights just to take me out and keep me company.
thank you for fetchin me from work although you were from work at Jurong.
thank you for sleeping at my void deck just to send me to work in de mornin so that i could have a few extra minutes of sleep.
thank you for listening to all my rants and sorrows and painful stories of de past.
thank you for being a shoulder for me to cry on.
thank you for tolerating my nonsense and crap and mood swings and bites.
thank you for that one time that you fetch me from work and rushed me to SGH and take me to supper and sent me home.
thank you for that one time you took leave from work just to accompany my night when i was down.
thank you for all de miss calls just to wake me up.
thank you for all de hugs that make me feel safe.
thank you for all de kisses that make me feel loved.
thank you for de smiles that kept me smiling.
thank you for everything.

it's not about just you making it real anymore.
but we will get thru' it all together.
that's my word to you.

iloveyou Fadli.

Fall For YouSecondhand Serenade

2008-07-30T00:24:00.005+08:00

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It couldn’t be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep

And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep

maybe

2008-07-29T23:56:00.003+08:00

lets be positive.
every time i see pictures of her, i thank God that i'm so not like her.
and i thank God that i found him.
thank God that he's mine.
he doesn't deserve her.
i'm not sayin that he deserves me but he definitely doesn't deserve someone like her.

bby..
some things are just meant to be felt and not said.
whatever is in my heart right now, will just be kept in me.
but it's up to you to feel it or not.

maybe i will finally learn to fully love someone again.
maybe it's you, bby.

someone once told me,
"don't ever give up if he means the world to you."

2008-07-28T22:00:00.001+08:00

at the end of it, no matter how shitty or fucked up i feel,
it will all be relieved with tears.

gd nite love.

ugh.

2008-07-28T20:38:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry bby.
i just can't help it somehow.
you know i'm a big critic.
and somehow also i'm addicted to viewing her profile.
and guess what...
i am fucking DISGUSTED.
in my heart was like, "suke amek2 gamba tetek?"
i know i'm not perfect too.
and i'm not saying i'm better either.
but ugh... i'm just disgusted.

i'm sorry.
sorry that i'm disgusted.
sorry that i still view her profile.
sorry that i even log in into her profile.
i'm a bad girl.
i know.
i can be one fuckin bitch if i want to also.
but i'm not.
and i don't want to.
coz i wanna change for de better.

but just one last thing ah...
i am so gawd damn fuckin disgusted!!!
WTF.

you know what, viewin her profile somehow does make me feel better.
coz at least i know i'm definitely not like her.

all bout me

happy 2010!!!

broken-hearted girlbeyonce

lead sails (and a paper anchor)

me and the vamp

aidiladha

zig zag

Tanya Sama Hati

Gurindam Jiwa

hate (i really don't like you)plain white t's

updates

when loneliness strikes

idon'tcarewhatyouwannasay

broken stringsjames morrison ft. nelly furtado

pain

last stand

memoirs

once bitten twice shy

l.o.v.e

energykeri hilson

insert title here

ten

faith

twisties

<3

170708

5730

missing link

my days for you are numbered too

holding on.. still.

wait out

here without you3 doors down

the climb

meow.

words of a broken heart

guardian angel

random shits

Miss Independent

*yawn*

bumblebee, please be my guardian?

laughter is not always the best medicine

wreck

when hope begins to fade

G.A.D - go.and.die

sleepless nights...in the ward!

oh don't worry, i won't call anymore

love has really knocked me down

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

hate that i love you

knock you downkeri hilson feat. kanye west and ne-yo

zombified

sighs

broken strings

:/

beautiful mistakethe ataris

life

madne-yo

crank

happy birdday to ME

warmness on the soulavenged sevenfold

ithinkmyspacebarisspoilt.

lalalala

sugar rush

sugar rush

the happening

what's next?

superhumanchris brown

unbeautifullesley roy

worried

if i were a boybeyonce

special

grr

MC

baa..

updates

this is so true.

One In A MillionMiley Cyrus

7 ThingsMiley Cyrus

i can never be you

Ayat-Ayat CintaRossa

yawn